Now and then, I get flack over sharing and teaching happiness from those who see me as having a “perfect life.” A few people believe that suggesting I can help other people learn how to be happy is tone-deaf, since I could not begin to understand how hard their lives are. How inaccessible happiness is to them.

Before I address this, I want to reiterate the basis of my entire belief about happiness: it is NOT caused by your circumstances. It’s binary. Either you are a happy person or you are not a happy person, and it has nothing to do with whether you own an awesome dog or live in a sunny state or win an for an Oscar for Best Screenplay (which, for the record, I have not…), and it is within your control!

Only you can make you happy.

I taught myself how to be happy, and I’ve spent the last decade writing, speaking and sharing what I learned about the process, and hopefully helping others.

Now, as to the specifics of my “perfect life,” I am not going to list all the aspects of it that are less than perfect, because I’m too happy to dwell on that, and more importantly, it’s not really relevant. I know people who are struggling more right now than most of us could possibly imagine — and they are HAPPY! They are in our SpeakHappiness community. They are living a life of thoughtful reflection on what they have and what they need and how to be happy regardless of the lack. I also know people who have career and financial achievements beyond what most of us will ever experience and they are simply miserable! No amount of success seems to make them happy.

I’d love to have what they have, but I can’t look at their lives and say, “If I had that, I’d be so happy!”
I have to be happy whether I have that or not.

Become happy first, and what you want in life will come to you.
Then, even if it doesn’t, you’re still happy, so life is good.